But Was It a Candy Bar?
by tarheelveteran
Summary: Erin Strass has been helping herself to other people's lunches.  Now the BAU takes revenge.


**Disclaimer: I don't own anything from Criminal Minds. I also don't own Cheetos or Baby Ruth. I will take the occasional Hershey bar, though. **

**A/N: Some of you may remember the CSI Miami version I wrote of this story. I have made the decision to change it to Criminal Minds. Hey, I said I'd pick on a certain section chief! Enjoy. **

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**But Was It A Candy Bar?**

Section Chief Erin Strauss could feel herself drag into the bullpen, tired, stressed, hungry and just plain in a foul mood. She had eaten nothing all day. To make matters worse, that meeting with the Bureau Chief had run over schedule. No time to call in some lunch. She wouldn't have much time to eat before rushing off into another conference.

As she walked up the stairs, she glared suspiciously at everyone in her path. It didn't go unnoticed that people walked on the other side from her or politely closed their doors, sensing that she was giving off the kind of grouchiness that could be felt. When Erin Strauss was grouchy, someone was going to be investigated.

She reached the office's break room. Digging tiredly through her purse for some money, she gazed into the vending machine. The Baby Ruth bar would do, she thought, sliding her crumpled-up dollar bill into the slot.

_BEEP! BEEP! BEEP! BEEP!_

Her blue eyes blazed as she tensed up. This wasn't what she needed right now.

"What do you mean 'Out of Service'? You've got to be kidding me!" she snarled, glaring at the glass. She then stabbed the change return button. Nothing happened. That big box just sat there, silently taunting her with all those goodies on the other side of the glass, and stealing her last dollar.

She now scowled around the break room. Maybe nobody would notice if she just grabbed some food from someone.

None of Dr. Reid's Cheetos. No loaves of bread left out on the counter. Not even Garcia's canned milkshakes.

The refrigerator. Maybe somebody left their lunch unmarked. If no name, it was fair game, was the general rule. Her eyes darted about as she opened the refrigerator door and looked inside.

In an instant the chief shut her eyes, covered her face and backed away when the aroma hit her like a freight train. Something in there smelled worse than some of the crime scenes she'd observed. She gathered herself and looked again.

Nothing in there but Agent Rossi's liver and onion sandwich and JJ's diet drink. No leftover bagels or birthday cake from the night shift. Agent Hotchner occasionally left some Chinese food when he worked late. Not today, though. Of course, earlier that week she had lectured the BAU that refrigerator. Too many things in there resembled the forensics lab, so she ordered that it be cleaned out once a week. For once they had actually listened to her, she thought. She wrinkled her nose and slammed the door shut in disgust and frustration.

By now the hunger had given her a throbbing headache. Getting a whiff of that liver and onion sandwich didn't help matters any. With no hope of grabbing a quick bite before that big conference, she walked suspiciously through the bullpen. She studied every desk, sure she could feel an investigation coming on.

She stopped when she saw Derek Morgan fixated on his work. Was that a Baby Ruth wrapper on his desk? Surely he hadn't forgotten the policy against eating or drinking at his desk. Worse yet, the very thing that she had been robbed of earlier? She changed course and walked over to Morgan's desk.

"Agent Morgan!" she snapped.

Derek Morgan deliberately laid down his paperwork. "Oh, Chief Strauss. I didn't hear you come in. What can I do for you?"

"You know there's no eating allowed at your desk" she snapped, pointing at his desk.

He shook his head innocently. "With all due respect, Ma'am, I wasn't eating here."

She had her blue eyes on the crumpled red and white wrapper. "Really? So how do you explain that candy wrapper on your desk?"

Morgan reached for the wrapper and threw it in the trash. "Someone must have left it there. Sorry, Ma'am; won't happen again."

Chief Strauss now leveled his eyes at him. "And you couldn't throw it in the trash? Well you just wait here while I have a word with Agent Hotchner!" And with that she stormed up the steps.

The Chief stood impatiently at Hotchner's door while he was on the phone. But something on his desk caught her attention.

Was that a Baby Ruth bar?

Erin Strauss craned her neck toward Hotch's desk. Maybe she had been a little too hard with Morgan. Maybe now wasn't the best time to lecture Hotchner. That Baby Ruth bar just looked so good, so delectable, and she was really hungry right now.

Hotchner hung up his phone. "Ma'am. Can I help you?"

The chief immediately softened her look and walked in, her eyes and appetite fixated on that little chocolaty piece of heaven that she would normally have passed up, but now it seemed to beg for her attention. A closer look showed that only one bite had been taken from it. Bite missing and all, she almost looked hopefully at Agent Hotchner.

"Uh, Agent Hotchner. Do you plan to eat that candy bar?"

The black-haired agent glanced at the corner of his desk. "Chief Strauss, I'm not sure you want this. I already took a bite from it."

"Oh, that's quite all right."

Hotchner motioned toward the lonely candy bar. "Ma'am, please. Help yourself."

Without another word, Erin Strauss snatched up the little slice of heaven and bit off a huge chunk. Immediately her blue eyes widened.

Instead of that firm, chocolaty piece of heaven, she held a damp, squishy brown lump in her hand. Instead of the sweet, crunchy nougat and peanuts she had fantasized about, she now tasted, well, she wasn't exactly sure. She quickly swallowed it. "Agent Hotchner, this tastes funny" she said, wrinkling her face.

The agent now raised his eyebrows at her. "Ma'am, are you sure that's a candy bar you're eating?"

Just then Strauss's eyes widened as she looked first at her nemesis and then at the funny-tasting, squishy brown mess in her hand. Come to think of it, the thing did smell kind of funny.

A million scenarios raced through her mind in a split second. Terror set in as she dropped the mess and sprinted out of Hotchner's office, her other hand over her mouth, her heels tapping down the hallway. Hotchner was sure he could hear the bathroom door slam.

Aaron Hotchner took a clean napkin from his desk, scooped up the mess, and dropped it into the trash can while listening to the blissful silence.

Agent Morgan peeked in, tapping on his door. "Hotch?"

He looked up from his paperwork. "Morgan. There a problem?"

An amused smile crossed the Morgan's face as he glanced down the hallway. "Strauss sure left your office in a hurry. She okay?"

His boss looked at the doorway. "She sure did. Why don't you come in, Morgan?"

"So what happened?"

"Hopefully Chief Strauss won't be eating our lunches again."

The agent grinned and glanced at the mess in Hotchner's garbage can. "Learned that one from the forensics lab. Just take a Baby Ruth bar and put some red and green food coloring on it. Soak in a little lime juice, and hey. Can't tell the difference."

"Thank you for showing me that one," Hotch said approvingly. "Tasted pretty bad."

"You know there's gonna be hell to pay when she finds out."

"Most likely."

"So what's next? Rossi and those liver and onion sandwiches of his?"

"One thing at a time, Morgan. One thing at a time."


End file.
